Chivalry is Dead...NOT!
I’ve had several hours of sleep, because there are times
where my body ignores me and decides I should be awake at 2am, even though I
wake up at 5am for work and require at least 7.5 hours of sleep to be a
functioning human that doesn’t resemble something out of The Walking Dead. I
will try to refrain from going sideways in this post today as I’m listening to
Imagine Dragons, but I make no promises.
Chivalry is dead! I’ve heard this statement so many times, and
I feel like it’s a slap in the face to the men who still believe in opening
doors, pumping gas, and checking car oil (or at least making sure it’s checked
if they don’t do it themselves). If coochie were a stock being publicly traded,
I would have pulled my money out a long time ago. With so many giving it away
for free, why would men work for it anymore? However real men understand the
old saying, “you get what you pay for.” So if you get it for free, chances are
you won’t marry it and take it home to mama. I’m not sure if it’s my Taurean
side or what, but I’ve never been built to be side-chick material. I am
extremely demanding, and I will take over your life (not in a
rabbit-head-boiling-on-the-stove kind of way). My love language is quality
time, and I require time, something side-chicks get very little of, so I don’t
fit the bill.
There’s been lots of headlines about K. Hart and his
side-chick turned wife/new baby mama, that I’ve felt the need to speak on it. I
usually could care less about other people’s business (especially celebrity’s
business) as it doesn’t pertain to me, but as a woman, I’m annoyed at the level
of standards we’ve begun deeming as acceptable. This fool ass woman said that
“side chicks come with the territory.” WTF? I’m not knocking their
relationship, everyone has their threshold of bullshit they’ll put up with, but
my concern is the statement. Perhaps she truly loves the little man and can’t
imagine life without him. That would have been a more appropriate public
address than simplifying his actions, thus dismissing herself…but again, she
was the side-chick once herself.
Sex isn’t high on some folks’ relationship meter, so
cheating is not all that serious. For me it’s number 2 (right after quality
time, and might be creeping its way into 1st place the more my
hormones change DAMN IT! WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE WARN ME ABOUT TURNING 40!) I’m
possessive and territorial, so what’s mine is mine and I expect it to not be
shared with anyone else. For some, it’s not all that important and it’s a
forgivable offense. I’ve put up with some crazy bullshit on account of the sex
was banging, I’m not even going to lie. I mean why lie now, this blog is
supposed to express how I was
a hot mess, right? I draw the line at physical violence, cheating and a few
other things I won’t get into. Bottom line is, if you allow someone to treat
you worse than you would treat yourself, then you’ve got some serious self-love
issues.
George is well aware that he is welcome to leave at anytime,
but understand that it may cost you half of your life…for the rest of your
life. I will purposely grow older and become a cougar and never remarry just to
continue getting half his life (and future new wife’s life) for the rest of my
life. LOL! The old Johnny Taylor song “It’s Cheaper to Keep Her” was written
for women like me. Nowadays, women aren’t requiring shit, and there’s no loss
to just move on to the next one. SMDH, I wish a mutha… never mind, I digress.
We require nothing, we give everything, then we complain chivalry is dead…
BIYATCH IS YOU CRAZY?!
In the meantime we’re running to open our own doors,
handling our own shit, saying we’re independent and don’t need a man, but
complain they won’t do shit. Let me say this: I’m about as independent as they
come. My car is in my name only. I don’t have a joint account with George
(except for one business account that I added his name to). He’s not a signer
on my credit cards. After 13 years together we just combined our cell phone
accounts (previously we had our own accounts with whatever provider we
individually chose). It doesn’t work for most, but we are not codependent and
still require our space, and since finances can become an all-out, drag-out
argument, we keep them separate for the sake of peace. When we purchase a house
soon, it will be in my name only (we can do that in CA, and it is the better
financial investment for us to do it that way). But all this doesn’t mean that
he’s still not the man of the house and as such, is expected to do the “man of
the house” type of shit. I haven’t changed a damn light bulb in 13 years,
haven’t checked my oil in my car, nor have I even added air to my own tires
because I expect that to be handled by the men in my house. In return these
bastards don’t eat if I don’t cook!
I had a male friend who would visit me often with his girlfriend.
He would bring me flowers whenever they came over. So one day I said to her
“you must get the best floral arrangements, given the nice flowers he brings me”
(half expecting that he would not bring me the best before getting her the
best)? To which she replied “he’s never given me flowers.” I immediately
slapped him upside his head and asked why. His reply was “you’ve known me since
we were 15 years old, and you know my mother and know I’ve been raised right
and demand my best. She doesn’t demand shit or expect shit. She lets me get
away with treating her like that.” To which I slapped him again because she was
sitting right there. The relationship didn’t last very long, as he got tired of
walking all over her. SMH…
You get what you expect/demand. If you demand nothing,
that’s exactly what you’ll get. So no, chivalry is NOT dead (to you ignorant,
no self-esteem expecting nothing ass heffa’s claiming all men are dogs), it’s
just your dumb ass don’t demand it, and perhaps don’t deserve it. As for me and
the rest of the Queens out here getting what we want, we will continue to stand
at the door waiting for it to be opened, sit in the car while our gas is being
pumped, and happily make that man (if the dishes are cleaned first) some fried
chicken, collard greens and candied yams (and please don’t forget the cornbread)!
Continue to love and f;ght,
Andrea Y. Jones
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