When Your "Give-a-Damn" is Broken
It is with absolute certainty that I can say at some point
in life, we will all have to face disappointment. It’s how you handle
disappointments that set you apart. Do you fold up in the face of adversity and
wait for things to blow over, or do you face them head on? After being faced
with challenges, are you left looking war torn and battered or were you armored
up and prepared and are only slightly wearied and wounded?
Research shows there are distinct characteristics of
resilient people. Folks who are able to bounce back from whatever challenges
they face in life, and remain only slightly altered (changing your entire
belief system or turning to self-medicating in various forms is a good
indicator you are not okay). Research has shown that resilient people are aware
of their emotional reactions and the behavior of those around them. They
understand that life is full of changes, but they remain positive thinkers and
identify with being a survivor not a victim. These skills can be developed and
strengthened and improve one’s ability to deal with life’s setbacks.
Interestingly enough, when researching characteristics of resilient people, Stoicism
came up. Stoicism is an Ancient Greek school of Philosophy founded by Zeno of
Citium in 3rd Century BC which was/is practiced by many powerful men
and women for millenniums.
In the Holy Bible Apostle Paul writes a letter to the church
he helped to establish in Philippi. The letter is referred to as the Book of
Philippians in the Bible today. In Chapter 4, verse 8 he tells the Philippians
to think on all the things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good
report, and praiseworthy. He encourages them from a prison cell, to focus on
the good things in life. Their king at the time, Philippi, who was the father
of Alexander the Great who (coincidently) was known to practice the
philosophies of Stoicism. Those who don’t know me well, refer to me as being
detached, or even mean because I choose to emotionally detach from unnecessary things
that would cause me distress and distraction. This doesn’t mean that I don’t
have feelings, just means that I’m not easily ruled or led by them.
You can label resilience however you want in order to make
yourself feel comfortable, but the bottom line is, people who are successful in
life aren’t still wrestling with emotional problems from their past. That’s not
to say they don’t exist, it just simply means they’ve developed and practice
the necessary skills to move the hell on.
I had a friend tell me once he admired my ability to move
on. At the time I thought it was an odd
statement because I thought moving on was a requirement. It didn’t occur to me
that we actually have a choice, and that some people choose not to let things
go and never move on. I always imagine the scene from the movie I’m Gonna Git You Sucka where the pimp
is released from jail and he’s not current on the clothing styles.
If you’re choosing to
allow life to pass you by and you’re still stuck on what happened in 1972,
isn’t that the same thing? People have moved on with their lives, things have
happened around you, and you’re just stuck, why? Do you think that person is
giving two fucks about stepping on your new shoes in 1972 and not apologizing
for it? Your life has spiraled out of control over the need for someone to ask
for your forgiveness when they’re never going to ask.
During his last Presidential Dinner, President Obama made
lots of funny statements, but what stood out for me personally was his “Bucket
List.” He stated he didn’t have a Bucket List but he had a list that rhymed
with “Bucket.” Some of you need a new list, and it needs to include lots of
things you’ve been obsessing over that you have no control over. Can’t think of
what should be on that list, here’s some help to get you started:
- The people on my job are acting crazy – Fucket, nothing I can do about them anyway and they don’t sign my paycheck. This job is only temporary anyway because I’m greater than this.
- My grown children act retarded at times – Fucket, they’re grown. You’ve done all you can, it’s up to those idiots to see the light on their own. Encourage them and leave them alone.
- I don’t have enough money to meet my obligations – Fucket, you knew you didn’t have enough last month. Get a side hustle, stop spending money, cancel your $200 cable bill and that $40 gym membership you’re ass ain’t using anyway. See, now you just got back $240/month.
- I was molested as a child and I can’t move on – Fucket, are you still a child being molested? If so, there is immediate help for you, if not, then it’s time your grown ass develops some coping skills to move forward so you can get off the merry-go-round of reliving that shit daily.
- My parents were terrible parents –Fucket, parents aren’t immune from being assholes. There’s no test to qualify you to raise a child, you just have to be fertile. The good news is you get to decide what you will do with your life, not them.
Andrea Y. Jones
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