Necessary Adjustments

I promised myself this week I would stay focused, no matter how many probation officers yelled at me, or how many inmates I had to calm down, or how many inmates offered “favors”, (even though none of this fits my job description considering I offer an optional service that assists inmates and ex-inmates with acquiring their high school equivalency certificate) because I know I went a little sideways on last weeks post, and so I will attempt to redeem myself this week.

So while fixing something to eat last night in the kitchen in my draws while doing the gospel remix of all of Dorian’s youthful songs while doing the stanky leg (okay perhaps that’s not the visual of a person who is attempting to redeem herself...uh...let me back it up, or rack it up since that’s what I was singing...never mind...dang it, now that stupid song is stuck in my head again) I’ve come to the conclusion that at 40, there are just some things I’m no longer willing to do. As I was talking with a friend about her current mental fragility and my recent experience with similar challenges, I realize that some adjustments you make are for life. Just as we make decisions when we become adults to absolutely refuse to ever eat liver and onions again. We have to readjust when life becomes challenging or uncomfortable. We sometimes have to change career paths, change relationships, change eating habits, etc. It’s often blown off as someone experiencing a mid-life crisis, but the fact is, at some point in life (perhaps around mid-life...which by the way is a horrible term) you decided you were tired of your stale life, and you needed a change. Why are we made to feel terrible for wanting to improve or alter our lives?

When we’ve reached a goal, and it’s not all that we thought it was, and we decide to do something else, why do others want to judge us and say “I thought that’s what you wanted to do?” See, this is where you go back a few blog posts and let your give-a-damn be broken and say “fucket”, I’m doing something else. Sometimes you have to allow yourself a moment to feel like you’ve hit the lowest point in your life. (Someone reading that last sentence is thinking I’ve completely lost my shit!). The truth of the matter is, our best decisions are made in our times of pain and despair. WHAAATT??? No really, think about when your shoes are too tight, you take them off right? Same goes for everything else in life... when you're tired of your ends not meeting, you go back to school or find a better job or eliminate unnecessary expenses. So don’t discredit uncomfortable times, they mold you into something greater.

The other part, name one person who has paid your bills on a regular basis....I’ll wait. If you found one, is this the same person telling you to keep your life the same, or not make any major life-altering decisions? If you didn’t find one, then who are you worried about? Sometimes you just need to walk around your house nekkid ( a mischievous form of naked), sit on your couch (please put something down first, don’t do that part nekkid!) cross your legs, look around and say “I work hard for all this shit!” Then get dressed up, take yourself to your favorite food joint, order your favorite meal (because you work hard for that too) and then, make your own damn decisions!

Life is too short, and tomorrow isn’t promised to us, so say what you gotta say before you miss the chance to say it, do what you want to do before you can’t do it, and get done what you need and want to get done before your time is up. If that means selling all of your possessions, buying 5 tiny houses and moving to a 20 acre cattle ranch in the middle of Cornudas, TX, then so be it (one day y’all are really going to find me in the middle of nowhere on a satellite phone pushing a cow from in front of my car)! If that means developing a currency for cats and dogs to use (I’ve been watching Talladega Nights lately) then so be it! Whatever that means to you. Obviously, if you are married with children, there are some additional guidelines to just “doing you”... I mean sure we have those moments where you want to set the house on fire with everyone in it, but that would be illegal, and you would regret it the moment the flames started! Then you would potentially risk your own life attempting to drag those folks you just tried to set on fire out of a burning house...and if you wouldn’t immediately regret it, please immediately call someone for help...no seriously, right now...stop reading and grab the phone! So with family, you make adjustments that everyone can handle. Bottom line is, make necessary adjustments. Period, there ain’t nothin’ left to say after that. What else you want me to say? 

Do what you gotta do boo-boo!!!

Continue to love and f;ght,

Andrea Y. Jones